Fatherhood

        Father is a family role that has been diminished and misunderstood through the changes in society. In the beginning, father’s helped in the home because that was all they needed to do. Everyone helped tend the farm and take care of the house. That was life. Work was life. Then times started to change that started taking fathers out of the home to earn a living instead of having the ability to stay home and provide for the family. The father’s role continued to change until, today, it seems society feels fathers are not needed at all. Glenn Stanton, author for Focus on the Family, wrote an article titled “The Involved Father” that explains why this way of thinking is very wrong.

Analysis of “The Involved Father” by Glenn Stanton

            His first point is that fathers parent differently. They are so different that Stanton explains, “By eight weeks of age, infants can tell the difference between their mother’s and father’s interaction with them.” This is important not only because of the knowledge of knowing mom and dad but also it helps the child learn that men and women are different. It teaches them that because of these differences, men and women have different ways of dealing with their surroundings and this knowledge is crucial for the child’s development.

            Stanton goes on to tell us that in addition to parenting different, fathers also play different. They are more daring and dangerous than mothers. Stanton refers to John Snarey about the importance of play who says, “Children who roughhouse with their fathers learn that biting, kicking and other forms of physical violence are not acceptable. They learn self-control by being told when ‘enough is enough’ and when to settle down.” This knowledge is very important so that children can know how to balance their timid emotions with their aggression.

            Third, Stanton explains that fathers build confidence. Typically, fathers are more likely to encourage children to go beyond what they feel they are capable of, while mothers are more typical to caution the child to be careful for their protection. For a child to have only a father encouraging them to go and do more than they should isn’t a good fit, while a child having a mother always remind them to be cautious isn’t good for them either. Children need both in order to build confidence by learning to not seek risk without thinking it through but not avoid risk and in turn avoid healthy development.

            Another point Stanton makes is that fathers prepare children for the real world. Fathers tend to be more likely to tell harsh truths of possible consequences of the child’s actions. Stanton tells us, “For instance, fathers are more likely than mothers to tell their children that if they are not nice to others, kids will not want to play with them. Or, if they don't do well in school, they will not get into a good college or secure a desirable job.” This talk of reality helps prepare the children for the realness of the consequences of the world, whether they are pleasant or not.

            Finally, Stanton ends with the idea that fathers provide a look at the world of men. Stanton explains this by saying, “Girls and boys who grow up with a father are more familiar and secure with the curious world of men.” Because of the differences of men and women, children with parents who are married and of opposite sex are privileged to learn while they are young that these differences exist and how these differences should look in real life. They learn how proper men act and how it feels to interact with a man who truly loves them. This, and all the benefits of fathers that Stanton covered, helps children grow and develop in a well-rounded perspective of the world and how good men should behave.

Personal Experience

            I was blessed with a loving and involved father who taught all the aspects that Stanton covered and more. He worked hard to provide but when he was home did all he could to make sure we were not only covered financially but emotionally and spiritually as well. He made sure we were happy but also made sure we knew how to work and take care of business. Learning about fathers shows me this is a delicate balance that not everyone is skilled enough to achieve.

            After reading “The Involved Father” by Glenn Stanton, I realized how true the importance of fathers is. Fathers really do things different and as a child, this didn’t seem to stand out to me as much, but looking back I can really see the benefits. My mother was great to go talk to and learn from, but talking to my dad taught whole different lessons. My mom was great at helping you see other perspectives and talk through how you felt about the situation, while my dad often would listen fully then reply with, “so what are you going to do about it?” He always wanted to help us learn to take care of ourselves and was there to assist if ever necessary.

            Stanton talked about how having a involved dad helped teach girls what to look for in a healthy relationship and this was very true in my life. Dating was hard for me because I didn’t feel that anyone I dated was as caring and thoughtful of my needs as my dad was and I felt that was how a boy should be. So when I went on my first date with the boy who became my husband, I knew he was a gentleman by the way he acted. This was simply because he reminded me of my dad.

This sign was a big deal for me because I have always felt safe and protected from my dad from everything even if it was emotional and hormonal things that no one could ever understand. And if it wasn’t for my dad I wouldn’t know to look for this type of support and tenderness in the relationships I had and I wouldn’t have felt the connection and giddiness with my husband from the beginning because he held these qualities of a great man that my dad had displayed for my whole life.

Future Application

Since I was so blessed with the great example of what a man should be, I definitely want to make sure my children have the same advantage. This isn’t a far-fetched dream since my husband has the qualities of a great man. I can assist in the impact of this by helping my husband be as involved as possible. Depending on the age of the child and the child’s interests will help determine specific ways to be involved but there are definitely ways to help find the time to be involved.

One way is to make sure to set time aside to get to know the child’s interests and personality. Children seem to grow so fast that it is important to get to know them again and again as they develop. Life gets so busy that just saying “hi how was your day?” doesn’t give enough time to really listen to what your children have to say. By setting specific time aside for specific children and getting away from the distractions, fathers can learn and teach important principles to their children that they would never learn anywhere else.

Another way to help stay involved is to make sure they don’t get too busy that they aren’t available when needed. My dad was always consistent in his availability. He is a banker so growing up he was always home no later than 7 and always home on the weekend. This consistency was great for me because if I was having a rough day I knew without a doubt that my dad would be home soon and I could talk it through with him. For dad’s that don’t have such consistent schedules, availability can be a bit of a harder task. Open communication and mindfulness of the needs of their children can help with this so the children know when to expect dad and when they can go to him for help.

Fatherhood is such an important role in children’s lives. Dad’s bring different tools to the table that children need to build their identity and grow to be healthy, independent, hard working adults. When fathers take time to be involved and be mindful of their children, they are making themselves available not only physically but as a teacher of lessons that could never be recreated but is life altering for the child none the less.