Differences Make Great Teams

This week I have been very impressed and reminded of how the differences between men and women are not only real but necessary; and how sad it is that in our society it is not only frowned upon but considered politically incorrect to acknowledge that these differences exist. It is sad because we were made to complement each other, not compete with each other. Everyone has their roles and is designed with the best abilities to achieve those roles. If we don’t embrace these differences, we are missing out on a perfect system. A classmate of mine said it the best, “We have differences because if we all had all of these aspects we would all be mediocre at everything. Since we have different abilities, we can team up and become extraordinary.”

            Some of these differences are obvious such as physical differences; others aren’t so obvious but are still very real. It is scientifically proven that men and women’s brains function differently because they are biologically different. Research on fitbrains.com tells us that, “on average, female brains are highly connected across the left and right hemispheres, and connections in male brains are typically stronger between the front and back regions.” This is why women are better at listening and responding to emotions and men are better at thinking logically. Neither trait is bad, but one person can’t perform both so that is why men and women make a great team. Now, there are exceptions where some women think more logically and some men are more in tune to emotion. Generally, however, females are more relationship focused (relationships between people and things) and males are more task or action focused. This difference shows from a very small age and is great for humanity if we embrace it.

            In marriage and parenting, having a male and a female with different thinking patterns is such a huge benefit that enhances the marriage and helps both husband and wife grow. One benefit is that the woman can help the man realize and embrace his emotions and the man can help the woman think more logically. Another benefit is that the men are able to shut off connections so when he is at home he is truly at home, and at work he is focused completely on work. The women see much more connections between people, places, and things and therefore can give attention to multiple kids and understand their feelings and needs and be able to teach and empathize with them so they develop mentally healthy. Children need to be provided for both emotionally and physically by a father and mother who love them.  Together they have the perfect team captains to best serve these needs.

            President Boyd K. Packer gave an amazing parable in LDS General Conference in October 1993. This parable best describes the relationship between a man and a woman, as God intended it to be.

"Once a man received as his inheritance two keys. The first key, he was told, would open a vault which he must protect at all cost. The second key was to a safe within the vault which contained a priceless treasure. He was to open this safe and freely use the precious things which were stored therein. He was warned that many would seek to rob him of his inheritance. He was promised that if he used the treasure worthily, it would be replenished and never be diminished, not in all eternity. He would be tested. If he used it to benefit others, his own blessings and joy would increase.

The man went alone to the vault. His first key opened the door. He tried to unlock the treasure with the other key, but he could not, for there were two locks on the safe. His key alone would not open it. No matter how he tried, he could not open it. He was puzzled. He had been given the keys. He knew the treasure was rightfully his. He had obeyed instructions, but he could not open the safe.

In due time, there came a woman into the vault. She, too, held a key. It was noticeably different from the key he held. Her key fit the other lock. It humbled him to learn that he could not obtain his rightful inheritance without her.

They made a covenant that together they would open the treasure and, as instructed, he would watch over the vault and protect it; she would watch over the treasure. She was not concerned that, as guardian of the vault, he held two keys, for his full purpose was to see that she was safe as she watched over that which was most precious to them both. Together they opened the safe and partook of their inheritance. They rejoiced for, as promised, it replenished itself.

With great joy they found that they could pass the treasure on to their children; each could receive a full measure, undiminished to the last generation.

Perhaps some few of their posterity would not find a companion who possessed the complementary key, or one worthy and willing to keep the covenants relating to the treasure. Nevertheless, if they kept the commandments, they would not be denied even the smallest blessing.

Because some tempted them to misuse their treasure, they were careful to teach their children about keys and covenants.

There came, in due time, among their posterity some few who were deceived or jealous or selfish because one was given two keys and another only one. “Why,” the selfish ones reasoned, “cannot the treasure be mine alone to use as I desire?”

Some tried to reshape the key they had been given to resemble the other key. Perhaps, they thought, it would then fit both locks. And so it was that the safe was closed to them. Their reshaped keys were useless, and their inheritance was lost.

Those who received the treasure with gratitude and obeyed the laws concerning it knew joy without bounds through time and all eternity."

 I have seen the benefits of having the differences in men and women. I see it in my family, in my school, and in my own marriage. We are different for many reasons and if we take those differences and embrace them and use them to help us fulfill our role in society, I know that we will have joy in who we are and joy in our life’s work. Differences are great. Let’s keep ‘em.