Infidelity Is Sneaky

          Fidelity is such a vital part of a happy successful marriage. It isn’t a new idea, but its entirety is widely misunderstood. There is more to fidelity than making sure you only have sexual relations with your spouse. If you ask Google for the definition of fidelity you get, “faithfulness to a person, cause, or belief, demonstrated by continuing loyalty and support.” The key to this definition is “continuing loyalty and support.” Always. Never ending. Forever being loyal and supporting your spouse. This means if they are having a horrible day and doesn’t act very happy and supportive of you at the end of the day, you love them anyway. If they always forget to put the toilet seat down or put their clothes away, you love them anyway. When they act human rather than the perfect husband that you see in movies, you realize movies aren’t real and love them that much more. Fidelity is never having a moment that you aren’t loyal and supportive for your spouse.

          Infidelity is what happens when this loyalty and support has a second off. Infidelity can happen in so many ways it can literally sneak up on a couple and if they aren’t aware of the ways and have clear boundaries, it can make its way in and ruin their marriage like a worm in an apple. Some examples of infidelity are:

   1. Fantasy- thinking of something better or different than your own relationship. This can be thinking of the perfect guy in the book your reading and wishing he was real and yours forever, or thinking of a girl that was on a Victoria Secret commercial and imagining her making dinner instead. These are extreme but the reality is anything that you think about that takes your mind away from your spouse and the reality of your relationship is fantasizing and can lead to infidelity.

   2. Visual- looking at something that takes your mind off your spouse and away from your relationship. The thing that comes to mind when I think of visual infidelity is pornography but it actually can be looking at anyone or anything and comparing them to your spouse or creating feelings for the image that takes away from your feeling for your spouse.

   3. Romantic- anything that takes away from the romance in your relationship with your spouse. This can be having actual romantic encounters with someone else or romancing an idea or person that takes your mind and wanting away from your spouse.

   4. Sexual- anything that takes from the sexual relationship with your spouse. This one is the typical idea of infidelity that most people think of when they think infidelity.

   5. Emotional- sharing thoughts and feelings with someone that you should be sharing with your spouse. This one is easy to fall into if you don’t have clear boundaries because when you are talking to your best friend or sibling or someone you feel totally safe with it is easy to over share about your spouse and your intimate relationship.

          The key to all these ways of infidelity is that if it takes away from your feelings and thoughts about your spouse or your relationship you should try to stay away from it. The best way to not fall into this is to set clear cut boundaries. Talk with your spouse and come up with specifics about what to share, how to avoid temptation in thoughts, what situations to avoid completely, etc. These boundaries are very important to keep with both male and female encounters. It isn’t uncommon for someone to confide in their best friend and develop an emotional attachment that makes them question their relationship. This isn’t a question anyone should want to have and therefore having obvious boundaries can help avoid the situations. Fidelity is such a huge part of a happy healthy marriage and if you truly love your spouse and remember why you married them in the first place, setting boundaries to avoid infidelity should make sense and shouldn’t feel like a burden. Our spouses are our best friends and know us better than anyone else. Let’s keep it that way.